Exhausted.

I feel good for this such feeling when busy. It may feel tire, it may feel exhausted, it may homesick. But it is really fully satisfy for the day. At least it will be a comfort day that got no time for thinking those nonsence. Great.

Danke schön

And I want to thank you,
For giving me the best day of my life,
And oh, just to be with you,
Is giving me the best day of my life.

by Dido Thanks You

say the word other than NO

2008 American comedy film, starring by Jim Carrey. Yes Man is based on a true story from Danny Wallace himself and 2005 book "The Yes Man". Carl Allen (Jim Carrey) is challenged to say yes to everything that comes his way in his life, leading to a series of comic events.

How you define your life?
"crazy", "mad", "silly"
What you prefer?
Start living your life bah..

Don't reject yourselve in your life!
It must be something good beyond the bad~
Say Yes from heart...

Im not greed actually,
I just want something crazy happen
try everything, play everything,
be mad in my life....

Yes is another NO

hehe, i watched it. NICE!!!
everyone should watch it!
you will find something different in your life..

10 December 2008

HAPPI 19th BUFFDAY o!!!

Sinyee & Bobo on 9 Dec 2008.
Mont Kiara Marmalade + Starbucks

Happi buffday to uuuuu~~~

Shhhsss....busy to play..

Smile Smile^^

Cheers~ Mat Salleh X & Y

Our bffday girl, **Ms.exaggerate**

To be continue....
Lee Tet Roy, where is the rest of photo?!!!

memememe=ME

真的真的, 彻底崩溃了...
就是因为不是actual exam, 就掉以轻心?
结果下场不堪. 还没开始就死了...
是自杀. 简直就是自杀的行为!!
自己把自己给杀了..愚蠢..

当初的承诺? 誓言? 是什么?

对于自己写下的是一辈子的,
这全世界的人谁都可以忽视,
谁都可以遗忘, 甚至可以取笑它,
惟独就是我, 不可以忽视它的存在!!
终究, 产生变化的会是我, 制造它的也是我,
真的没什么理由需要摧毁它...

当然.
更加没什么理由需要去破坏身边围绕着的好,
我真的不想破坏daddy mommy对我的信任,
甚至是我对自己的信任,
是不可以!
因为我辜负不起....

这毕竟不是什么於生俱来地, 或理所当然地降临在我身上,
它的价值所在, 在于我,
在于我自己如何让它成为理所当然的发生在我身上...
it must be something worth there...

所以只能说..加油吧!!

不知道是不是还没睡觉的关系, 总觉得话语怪怪的...
怎么我的华语退步了??!!
= =' 不好意思...

活在当下...

总是今天只剩1分钟才发觉自己没有做好······

把每一天都当成是人生的最后
珍惜每一分钟拥有的
人生才会活的灿烂、精彩

今天拥有的并不是理所当然的
是上天赐予我们的礼物，是福气

好好的活着，要活得比别人幸福

活在当下...

*from 11 Jan 2007 "总是今天只剩1分钟才发觉自己没有做好······"
(http://shianll.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!B8A4B3DEFD2DC104!319.entry)

Good n Bad

I got a bad habit, but no more on the coming days!

I feel bad now, the coming exam is tough for me, b'coz of my sucks managing. Although it doesnt marking, it is still important for me. I'm begging myself to be hardworking. May is coming, my actual exam gonna reach soon.

*Tension* *Tension*

Remember....remember why i'm here, remember how those obstacles solved when i entry, remember how i'm strongly insist my decision with all of the opposition. All of it now, is just a beginning. The most challengeable is how do i achieve it finally.

It is not easy, but pay the price.

SO! this coming holiday, after this sucks exam, i got to speed up my studies, consider which class i want to be at the final. I want be a good girl, be proud of myself, be proud of my daddy & mummy...managing myself, consistent study, keep going!!

There can be miracle.

***

Everything have their two way, good and bad..what the big picture we normally saw? is either good or bad; but somehow bad is bigger, is more concern, and even weaker for us. There are actually no criteria of everything, but somehow we can choose the way we are.

how to say?

When you feel bad, it is bad. But does it really bad? NO, it is actually you lose the sight of the good way. It must be something good there, but you emphasize the bad. So everything seem bad, sound bad, look bad...but if you try to look it at another side, it can be amazing too.

Don't let the bad thing influence yourself. Always look into the good way, life only good...a deep thought for myself, hard to explain the picture in my mind. In a words, think the right way, correct attitude towards myself.

I believe good aura attract good thing. Everything is just about ATTRACT, you will got what you want from yourself, b'coz you attract it, you bring it here along you.

Start from yourself.

by Stephenie Meyer

From the New York Times Best Seller novel, Twilight, written by Stephenie Meyer. A vampire-romance novel begin on seventeen-year-old Bella Swan who moves from Phoenix, Arizona to Forks, Washington, due to her parent's divorcement, and finds her life in danger when she falls in love with a vampire, Edward Cullen.

This novel published in hardcover in 2005...the apple stated on the cover represents the forbidden fruit from the book of Genesis. It symbolizes Bella and Edward's love which is forbidden, similar to the fruit of the Tree of knowledge of God and Evil.....


2008, directed by Catherine Harwicke, released on 27 November.


***
Yesterday, we were going to one utama for the date of HUC sem end. So, they brought me to watch Twilight. Emm...may feel sin, since i'm gonna exam soon, god!!....ok, well, about this movie. Ya, it is not bad..is quite impress for me of their romantic forbidden love....you know?! im seldom watch love story, somehow don't like it, especially spend in cinema. But i have to say.. Twilight is really not bad ^^ watch it ya!!

so, let's watch the trailer..."When you can live forever what do you live for?"

Cast: Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson

*装*

开始分不清快乐和开心...
同义词, 意义甚远...
我开心, 可是我不快乐..你明白吗?

最近, 缺点都暴露无遗...
平常最厉害装快乐的我, 开始不怎么会掩饰了..
所有所有的不好`伤心`暴燥都显露出来了..
自己的特点一天一天的消失..
不是做不了自己, 只是越来越看清自己...
看得越清, 越掩饰不了...

可能我真的爱装,
越是让人感觉自己是个快乐的人,
越是觉得自己快乐..
有愚蠢...不过这就是我...

我从来都不说,
其实我是个很难快乐的人,
不过昨天我把这个秘密告诉了慧丝..
平时的开心..难听点叫伪装, 好听点叫掩饰..
也许是我自己太在意过去, 不想接受过去, 惟有活在过去...
有人说过...
it doesn't matter for you about the pass,
because today is not the pass.
印象深刻..因为这是真的.

"一个人若是一直想着人生的黑暗面,
不断的活在过去的不幸和失望之中,
他就是在祈求未来有着相同的不幸和失望.
如果你认为未来只有恶运,
你就是在祈求它, 当然就会得到恶运..", 熟悉吧这句话?!

我说过过去的对我来说再也不重要, 要勇敢的深信我自己...
那么就勇敢的相信吧!!!

任何让你感觉美好的东西, 总是会为你引来更多美好..
只有用你渴望的美善来看待自己^^
加油!!

YOU MAKE IT REAL

my lovely JAMES MORRISON

有一天

今天早上等的士的时候, 街上车来车往的, 路过的皆是熄了灯的的士, 才发觉到...路过的的士其实有很多, 只不过我等的一直都是那辆亮着灯的的士而已...人生也正不是这样吗?? 我相信总有一天, 我终究会遇到亮着的那一辆....

CHANGE..to believe..

我们总是想着要如何如何放弃, 可是我们却从来没有想过要如何争取.就好像人人都想上天堂,却没有人想死.....这翻话是我想对我的一个小学同学说的, 虽然他并不会看到, 不过我实在不喜欢放在心里...

今天我才发觉到原来我是那么的不被信任, 那么所有之前说过的对他而言根本就没有意义, 他也根本不应该相信我, 在没有任何信任可言的情况下, 什么都是假的...

我知道, 不论问题是什么, 发生在何处, 是谁受到影响, 唯一该改造的是我自己... 那么今天的问题将会归咎于我自己... 当我说 "..为什么你就不相信我?" 的时候, 其实应该是我自己的映现.. 问题根本就不是出自于对方的身上, 是我的问题... 是我让他对我没有信心, 是我让我自己的言语无法变成相信...

无论怎样, 我还是很开心见到他^^

end, 26 Oct 2008

Dreams come true

Dreams never end, and never small.

Thought.Become.Thanks

Times Square

Club Med Cherating

Lumix Camera

by 19 oct 2008.Shian

Start Living Life.

What do you really want?

Thought. Become. Thanks.

********

Larry King interview Oprah on The Secret.

"....the way you think is create reality yourself...", Oprah.
(MORE on http://www.youtube.com/user/aSecretAgent)

the 20th day

This birthday, have not much of pleasure. Erm...well, may be there is a lot of thing that i have to consider or worry....this is not the right time for me, so my 20th birthday is just gone like nothing.

Not much of excited or expected, I even din't know my birthday is coming before my friend have told me. Funny thing is I just realized my birthday on the mid-night of 6oct when i checked the date, paiseh paiseh^^ the next of my birthday won't be this again. Things is changing...

Firstly, I have to apologize to my friends that sorry to not celebrate with kaklik on thurs night Full House and didn't attend chyn celeration at Chilis also...sorry that i really can't make it. Hope you guys had a nice dinner^^

So before the day, I have invited few of my girl frends in haste. We went to Departure Lounge, which located at Damansara - Aman Suria, somewhere beside NKVE, to during our hi-tea. Yes, is choose by me, i don't know is it they like it, just feel like try something new. Hope won't be hated^^

I wanna start lor~

My yummy~ Chicken Delish Toast RM 11.90

English Breakfast Tea RM 4.50

nice honey!!!

Sinyee, someone really kindness to everyone,

everyone like her especially our Vivien Ahlong.

She eat Classic Caesar's RM 7.90

**i love salad!!!!

Our "Stupid" representative - ooiWaisze,

who often make my cells die for her

but support me always.

look at her face, so 38 & stupid neh!

WS de Chicken Caesar RM 10.90

Shapo, someone cute and look like living in her own happiness world^^

She refuse to take picture of her new hair style.

She drinks Hot Chocolate RM 7.00

Ana, someone look tough and strong girl,

but she got a bad habit when holiday!!!!!

She used to switch off her phone just simply she think no one will find her,

I already suggest her to live in 深山野林.

She is eating Chicken + Beef Delish Toast RM16.90

This is our gossip collector 所谓的情报员 ms.KhooZaoYing^^

We just seen her argue with her lovely Yao by phone, funny!!

She eats Chicken Delish Toast also.

**********

Thanks all of the wishes,
Vicky,Carlos,WS,Geat,Yunn,Chyn,ZhiYang,Enoch,YennYi,

Man,Min,Bear,Kaklik&Calise,MeiXin,Cyee,JinJie,Engkee,

SunHao,WeiYang,Phong,Vivien,ShuangYiing,Justin,

mybro,Judy,GuoXiong,Elaine,Boey & Bobo.

and who celebrate with me,
ws, zy, ana, syee, shapo, enoch, ben, hl, tat & marc.

.gift

EVERYDAY GIVE YOUR LIFE IS A GIFT FOR YOU.

7 OCT 2008

叼!

我现在的心情只可以用吊来形容!!! 不是我觉得自己吊, 是我姐姐真的是史无前例的吊!!!!!!!!!!! 妈的, 只有粗口这种粗俗的语言才可以完完全全地形容她, 体现她的那种变态!!!! 我刚刚把我电话忘了在我朋友的车上, 回到家后才发现, 我要打给车主, 可是那个八婆竟然不借我电话!!! 这是什么心态?!! 她真的很吊!!! 吊吊吊, 同一个妈妈生又怎样, 这么自私的人我现在才发觉到, 她真的不是普通的自私!!!!! arghhhhhhhh...我真的很生气, 我还有很多重要的事要用到电话!!!! 这里附近又没有公共电话, 我家又没有, 我想搭的士去我朋友家拿回电话, 可是我身上只有两块钱, 又夜了...现在她在照顾她的狗, 我严重feel到我连狗都不如!!!!!! ...我真的不知道要怎么办...我完完全全失去了联络...

我应该一早就知道她从来都不是可以依赖的亲人, 在我最需要的时候她总是抛弃我...在我五年级的时候她就已经抛弃过我了, 今天也不例外....我被打劫后, 一无所有又慌张的时候, 只有她可以帮到我的时候, 她也没有伸出援手, 只是不断的责备, 自己却跟男朋友在新加坡...我最后一天工做时, 在出门的时候不小心把自己囚禁了起来, 只有她可以帮到我的时候, 她宁愿让我从早上八点半关到晚上八九点, 她也不愿意折回来....我从来都不重要.....今天对我来说她什么也不是, 以后也不会是什么......

zi yu yang er qing bu zai

“子欲养而亲不在”，我很记得这句话。其实只是一句很普通的谚语，可是从他的嘴里说出来我真的很感触。很小的时候我就时常会去想如果有一天我什么都没有的时候，我的世界会变成怎样……

十岁的时候是我人生的第一个转rui点，那一年什么都变了。金融风暴，生意失败，经济困难，爸爸妈妈每天吵架，脾气变得很暴燥。一夜之间我什么都没了，突然间什么都得靠自己，出现问题的时候我谁都不敢说，遇到困难想家的时候我告诉自己不能哭，为什么不能哭？我也不知道，或许那个时候这意味着懦弱。就这样过了一年又一年，我还是很无知，可是我的确明白了很多东西……

“子欲养而亲不在”虽然说起来很普通，甚至会让人觉得我想太多，可是这句话对我来说真的很重要，我实实在在的感受到它的意义何在，或许可以这样说它是对我自己的一个警惕，因为我承受不了第二次的冲击。只有正视它，我才不会感到害怕……

不要等到失去了才后悔当初……

真的很厉害！

Walau，我现在才发觉到自己原来很久没update了，这几个月我在家的时间只有睡觉和洗澡，每天都是这样，果然开眼睛的时间还多过关眼睛的时间，哈哈，这是废话。


最值的表扬的是我竟然敢抱狗哦！真的不赞下自己就太对不起自己了。就连我家的jolie我都没抱过，根本没人相信其实我怕狗，哈哈，荒唐。我真的很害怕那些热情又活泼的狗，真的让我不知所错。记得有一次，我刚刚冲凉出来，jolie突然冲过来，结果我“啊”了一身声，吓到它转头就跑，哈哈，互相吓到。

我以为溜狗是件很开心的事，我还蛮期待的，那里知道一次罢了我就后悔了。结果我家的溜狗是去跑一百米，我最最最最最最讨厌跑步了，还要陪它跑几轮的一百米，这是什么溜狗嘛？！气死我了！还以为只是散散步而已，闲掉。

Hunny Jolie & I * 300808

Everyone know i love chow chow.
Why?
because it is big enough.
I really love BIG except big boyfriend, ahhahaha.
Can you imagine that you are sleeping with chow chow,
hug him, and even lying on sofa together watching tv, cool~~
It is such an enjoy with your pet,
and you don't need to bring him outgoing or always play with him,
he just like to sleep and lying there, just like me^^
cool~


But last saturday 30 August 2008, two days before,

she has come over her new house...
a golden retriever, some kind sporty dog.
Not bad too, although can't really big and square as chow^^

HUNNY JOLIE - her real name.
I like to call her Mow Mow and my sis like to call her Jojo.
Anyway, Jolie is just 2 month old...

My job is bring her to jogging every evening.
Anything out of this i wouldn't responsible, haha.
Since i'm not the one who ask to raise her.
She is quite cute actually,
but she always think i'm play with her when i scold her = ='

The most annoying is my sister would call me back,
before she is going to sleep! TMD!
Because she don't want me to wake her up when i come back!

Or lower the volume of the television that i'm watching,
to not disturb her sleeping!!
When the volume is too small that im can't really heard that
and my melayu is sucks, so i actually can't watch.
So what can i do everyday after 10pm?!

Somemore, she would always scold jolie on everyday 6am,
because of her pipi or pupu is on the floor,
this is very annoying that when you are sleeping.

Now, i'm just doing what thief always in other house.
Everything have to be the least sound,
but she is still looking at me now.
She is quite easy to wake up.
even i just walk from my living room to bedroom,
she would wake up also,

and looking at me until she is tire then sleep again.

Is quite enjoy to raise her
since i'm do not take any responsible on her.
Even quite smelly, she is cute then is fine.

One more thing that people may feel doubted...

actually I'm still scare dog.
When i play with Mow Mow, i would still scare,
especially she is running toward me,
i will suddenly stoping there and defense myself,
then she would shock awhile then play with me again. ahhahaha.
I'm sorry that sometime i still frighten her.
Because i really scare she would lick me
or throw herself on me,
or even climb on me.

LOVE YOU MOW MOW~

改变思想

Law of Attraction 吸引力法则



你生命中伟大的秘密。

同类相吸，你生命中所发生的一切，都是你吸引来的。它们是被你心中所抱持的‘心像’吸引而来的；它们就是你所想的。不论你心中想什么，你都会把它们吸引过来。

目前的生活就是你过去思想的映现，包括所有美好的事，以及你认为不那么美好的事。既然‘你最常想的事’会被你吸引过来，那么要了解你生活中每个面向的主要思想，就变得轻而易举，因为它就是你的生命经验。

问题来了，大多数人都在想著他们不想要的事物，还纳闷怎么这些事一直不断的出现……人们之所以无法拥有他们想要的，理由只有一个，就是他们对‘不想要的’想得比‘想要的’多。

你现在所想的，就在创造你的未来。你用思想创造你的生命。因为你一直在思想，你便一直在创造。你最常想的、或最常把焦点放在上头的，将会出现在你的生命中，成为你的人生。

你的思想会成为实物。


PS:
看了这些后忽然发现，原来它一直都存在着……现在我才知道为什么我们总是被教育着要持乐观和正面，因为我们想的将会映现我们的生命。今天我们就像是米开朗基罗，雕塑的大卫像是我自己；是我自己生命的杰作，我的思想将会创造我的生命。人类的智慧在于我们可以选择思想……今天，我将会把‘想要的’想得比‘不想要的’多。幸好我们拥有缓冲的时间，我们想的将不会立即成真，我们拥有‘再评价’的机会，让自己想得更清楚什么才是我想要的，再做出新的选择、新的想法——就是‘现在’。

你知不知道，吸引力法则并不判别任何否定的字眼。当你专注在某个事物上时，不论它是什么，其实你就是在召唤它来到你的生命里。例如“我不想迟到”，它将会接收到“我想迟到”，因为吸引力法则给你的，就是你所想的——就这样。

******

你的每个思想都是真实存在的东西，它是一种力量。 暜兰特斯.马福德

主要的思想或心态，就是磁铁；同类相吸，就是法则。结果必然是，心态会吸引与其本质相呼应的状态。 查尔斯.哈尼尔

who move my CHEESE???

3.57am now....
I was reach home about 3.30am.

It is an amazing night I have ever met before^^
PJ Crystal Crown hotel.
I have during a good moment here tonight...

We were waiting around 2hrs outside the lobby after finishing BP.
But we get the greater gift from this.

Because, I have met One people.
Actually is WE have met one people that would definitely worth to wait for.
Someone is really charming enough...
That i ever met before in my 19.83 years life.

You know?
I pretty seldom compliment any guys in my life.
Why?
People said that...I'm proud.
Well,
Just simply because I ever seen that.

But, tonight I have to say...
Yea, Men~
I saw it!!!
Someone really twinkling...in front of me...
A 25 years old man, who retiring to enjoy the rest of his life,
and now sitting in front of me.

What can i said?

I just can't staring at him right now.....
Since he is how an amazing...
I swear!!!
He would be the most charming guys i have met in my life.

It is just feel like you have met Warren Buffet tonight.
or maybe Piers Morgan.
or maybe Robert Kiyosaki.
Listening what he had actually go through before,
And get what the real truth now.
.........

I always said that 'You never try, you never know'.
Today, I found that 'You never meet, you never give up'.

Cheers~ all of my friends^^
4.41am now....

ZHI ZAO

我们不能等待时间让我们成长，
而是应该让我们去制造经历，
才会有所成长……

不管我接下来经历的会是什么，
这将会是我一生中重要的经历……

Stronger~

"the more you meet the better because it will make you even stronger"

活着真好！

觉得好可悲........

beingAlive

有时侯根本就没所谓的事实……
事实原本就因人而异，不同的观点就会有不同的事实。

*** *** ***

今天见到国权，虽然他搞得我一身烟味，
不过他的确问了个很好的问题“为什么要转”“这不是很好吗？”
的确为什么要转科？？？？
我有很多理由它的好，可是为什么我要转？？？？
…………
或许我想要改变，应该说我真的想做出改变。
我不甘心，不甘心生活如此，
除了颓废我想不出这是什么样的生活， 三年后我一定后悔死了。
我不想一辈子这样，
这不是生活，这叫为了生活而生活，就像是活生生的躯壳。
我无法noLife，
生活应该是多姿多彩的、meaningful的，
就像他们说的我们只有一次的机会活在这里，
只有一次的林丽湘，错过了就没有了。
今天我所拥有的真的只有那么的一次，
我只不过像上帝借了仅仅的时间，一过即逝，
每一分每一秒都应该是美好的^^

又回到了那个时候……

我害怕失去的感觉，我宁愿从来没有过……

什么才是最真实的，我从来分不清……

珍惜、把握

其实每一次做决定,我都很害怕...
害怕走错, 回不了头
害怕自己不知量力, 实践不到
比起这些, 我更加害怕后悔...
因为我无法让自己活在后悔中......

很多时候我们根本不晓得什么才是对的
更没有人可以告诉我什么才是对的
也没有人可以肯定的judging me...
况且对我来说是错的未必是错
对别人来说对的也未必是对
基本上这个世界是没有所谓的标准
标准只不过是人们量给自己而已
人生里应该要有珍惜、把握....才会有未来...

虽然我不能给自己评估出对与否
可是我相信错过了就回不了头
没尝过就不知道是什么味道
即使再怎么苦, 也会有甘的时候.....
决不后悔!

you never try you never know....

我希望快点长大……

原来很多时候是怎么也学不好，怎么也做不好的……

我已经不断的尝试，不断的碰钉子了，搞得遍体磷伤的，才发觉原来你老早就放弃了……

就让我一辈子做你心目中既爱慕虚荣又好吃懒做的十二岁小孩吧……我认输了……

你从来都不用心去看待我，在你心目中无论我多么努力的改变我依然是从前的我。不管我作出多么大的改变还是忍让，你终究看不上。很多时候我不想解释是因为没必要，况且你会觉得我在顶嘴，可是我不说话并不代表你对，只不过是我不想说话而已。每一次我进房不是因为我害怕或是我错到需要躲起来，更加不是在闹脾气，只不过我不想争执得没完没了而已。可是你从来都不会认真的去想想……你总会觉得我在发脾气……我承认我有粗鲁，很多人都懂，可是为什么偏偏就是你最不了解我，稍稍有一点声音你就觉得我是在发脾气……我告诉你，我已经很久没发脾气了，我只不过是被你的每一句话刺伤了而已……

你从来都不知道，你的那一句随口的“爱慕虚荣”、“这是我的家”都把我搞得伤痕累累的，我已经再也承受不了你的言语了……尽管我努力的做，努力的改变，避免自己有机会抵触你，可是你终究还是有办法伤害我，多么芝麻绿豆还是不关系的你都可以对我大发雷霆……或许我的信任已经在你身上用完了。

我真的很羡慕，很羡慕别人。我就是那种什么也没有的人，就连少少的姐妹情也没有，我半生失去的还多过我得到的。即使我看透那些所谓的姐妹兄弟，可是也从来没想过可以恶劣得无可药救……

我真的要学会开心的生活……从今天起，我的眼泪不再为你而流，无论你如何不喜欢我，我只要做我自己……我不要再去想如何与你相处，如何去讨好你，我只要做我自己。

终究有一天我会不再需要你！！

我希望快点长大……

大起大落

刚刚看到蝇的blog，说什么缺乏大起大落的，
就想到自己最近大起大落的心情，很糟糕。

很多人都懂，最近我在办转program的事，
不懂的人我现在就说
我打算转去University of London external program。
这件事情大概困扰了我至少两、三个星期，
每天都在想，真的很烦。
很多人一定觉得我干嘛这么无聊突然要转科，很多原因……

刚刚毕业的时候我没去考虑是因为大家都说很难，大家都否认你，
加上我的确没有认真的考虑过，
也没有去一趟econ department咨询，
弄到今天的状况是我自找的。

上了两个月的business，
我真的有种顶不顺的感觉，很沉闷，很颓废，
也许是因为五科里有三科是我读过的。
就会觉得这将会是三年的我，豪无进步，
加上我没有机会出国这使我更加没有motivation又不甘心……

UOL虽然很难读，可是至少我可以在ms拿到UK的文凭，
加上我最理想的科目econ & finance，这很让我向往，
也许我想出国也是因为这样的科目而已。
而且它也很精，这让我更加兴奋，
它的outline只有数学、econ和finance的科目而已，
所以没有什么理由我不被吸引……

一开始考虑的是我自己的能力，
我无法告诉自己我真的是否可以顺利毕业、坚持下去。
进去的人多数都是aim first class honour，
要不然就是second upper class，都是些top student；
加上一年只有一次100%的writting paper，
试卷也是由UOL发出和批改的，这很压力……

不过，经过research和consulting，
我觉得也许这是我的转折，
我觉得或许我可以尝试，去改变我自己。

大家给我的劝告是：
文凭只不过是一张纸，
一切都得看自己的performance，
薪金也不会因此而增加，
也没有必要去让自己辛苦。

可我压根而都没想过这些问题，
我只不过是在想我现阶段能做的是什么。
在现阶段对我来说degree就是我的全部、我的责任，
我只不过是想在现阶段追求更好而已……
所以别告诉我以后我会怎样，我只在乎现在……

正当我下定决心后，
我又面对了financial problem和父母的不支持，
这真的很让我frustrated，
我真的有一瞬间很伤心，很伤心，眼泪都流干了……
结果我失眠了好几天，这种大起大落真的让我透不过气……
就连next week的mid term，我都失去了专注力。

现在我在等UOL的approval since我没有calculus，
还有祈祷我的financial plan可以成功^^

是咸的……

常常会不开心的我，虽然伤心时眼泪会四处窜流，
可是当眼泪滑落在脸上升华的那一刻，
很多东西已经不是我原来看的那个样子了……

没记性的我，为了不遗忘从前的感觉，我常常会把它写下来……



或许我现在不开心，可是还是有开心的时候……
13.05.08^Tues

gain or lose

i always believe that "you never try you never know"...

if i have the right to choose,

how could i judge myself i cant?

but how could i know which is the right?

is it impossible to me?

i would have nothing if i fail it......

but there would be success if i achieved...

to gain or lose?

to remain or change?

what would be determined on this?

how about my life recently?

i was dissapear from the internet for a couple of month, since the damn stupid telekom said that this region would not have any line before the most of the resident fill in, what the stupid is?!!! the 40% of resident have moved in, what is the problem that we are not allow to install it?! just a telephone line only! how stupid it is! so, i have to go to the lovely and hotly cafe that near my house to have a cup of tea and a few hours on the net, when i got to rush my assignment....

the stupid telekom make me out of the world and lost my money on the cup of tea!!! hate it.



but since that, my life is more healthy than before. I mostly wake up at the early morning of 6 something, go to class and come back at 6 something; after bath and resting, i start to have my reading at the time 7 something, sometimes 8, then maybe i would felt asleep or maybe not, if not i would go study my textbook, then go to bed before 12pm. isit healthy enough for a teenager? or just for me? to compare with my life before....



actually is quite nice without wireless, but absolutely sometime may feel trouble. moreover, you would found that your time is getting more in other thing and it becomes precious and worthy when you out of the internet.

that is my recent happening....not really special but normal.



on the other way, my new uni life has started around 7 weeks ago, so, im being the mid sem now. actually, im not really feel good in my uni life, but most in foundation year. since we are lack of conversation with other in class, even tutorial. this are not a good thing, and the language uses are totally in chinese now, even a half of alphabet is not appear also. do i change nothing in my language until im going to graduate?

god~~~ tell me it wont be happen on me please.....i have to change before im not a student anymore......



now, im trying my best to get the good reading, to go with a healthy life, to cook myself, to have a good breakfast, i even trying to not rushing anything....it could be ~~

yea! lets move on everybody~ add oil together!!!!
very motivate lately....hahahaha

Water for Elephant

这个放假，读了一本书--大象的眼泪。
时隔一年多，又好像是两年，就在我姐姐去台湾的时候，她兴高采烈买回来的。
打从那一刻，我对它真的没什么感觉，
就这样一直到这个夏天，应该是夏天吧，才下起决心啃完它……

人人喊好的书，对于林丽湘，真的提不起劲……
我确实不怎么喜欢，或许我对马戏团并不怎么感兴趣，
所以也没有对于这本书应该要有的感觉。

看了大半本，那只重要的大象才稍稍出场；
故事也平平地，淡淡地，没什么高潮，
也许有，就在大象出场后、后、后……
不过、确实，不得不赞同的是，
他那些叙述马戏团的场景的功力的确了不起、译得栩栩如生……

至于ending……就太过於……
不知道怎么说，没什么字可以形容，
就是最后，主角的障碍，也就是情敌，
就在马戏团的一场暴乱中被践踏身亡了……
这种结局，来得也太突然了吧，
意想不到，又不可思议，无法思索………
说它写得好我又不是很喜欢，说不好又不是，就是感觉怪怪地……

算了，当下最期待的就是
继Kite Runner后的A Thousand Splendid Sun，
虽然当时我看的只是Kite Runner的电影，可是他的情节却深深地触动了我。
所以就迫不及待的买了灿烂夕阳A Thousand Splendid Sun，

看了100面……好看！！
期待中………………

insecure feeling

my life is being harder and harder.........

the truth? the right?

我要的只不过是保护自己而不是期望他人的怜悯......

什么恶毒的...

1 minute

TAKE 1 MINUTE PRAY FOR THEM......FOR THOSE VICTIMS......

GOD WOULD BLESS THEM~~

since god bring me to the 22 may 2008 ^^ thanx..

DOOR...n...door

omg! omg! omg! im in the line!!
i miss my wireless, i miss my blog, i miss everything in the line~
but......i still can't online....sob sob....
so, now? im using zhaoying's wireless..hehe...

then?
ya!!!!!!!
forgot....
something very sad was happened....

...friday....
my last working day....
it's supposed to be a happy day...
but it doesn't.....
since i was left my key on the refrigerator...
i open my wood door, walked out, then locked it....

what happen next?

yup, without my key.....then, the grille haven't unlocked....

(cry~)..i prison myself..
at the between wood door and the grille!!!
with 1/4 of battery phone...
with a lot of shoe....
with a bag just have tissue and purse....
i was stay about 6hrs above...
from 8:20am to 3pm untill my friend come to save me...

i was feeling so helpless / depress / dissapointed...and word-less
since my sis was refused to come back to bring the key to me....
at the time, she is still on the way to office...
i have nothing to said....a sudden feel like crying, but i wasn't.
i realized i should fix myself....

sometime只有自己才可以帮到自己....
.................................................................

really, i really appreciated my friends......thx all of them.....



shian*18 May 2008

why you live?

currently feel like full and busy because of moving soon,
then i found that...
sometime getting busy is not a bad thing,
when you are concentrate in one task,
you wouldn't get too much time to think...to depress...

ya, im a person who always think so much,
everyone knows, even my daddy,
he always tell me "don't think so much", hahaha...
that's why i would quite frequently feel frustrate or depress...
when i have the time...
but it won't harass me so much^^
at most half day, i think. hahaha
this call "easy come easy go".

that is not the main point,

That i realized.....
life should giving...for oneself wholeheartedly,
rather than simply keep life alive,
you know what i mean? 不是为了生活而生活...

so, I hope that the every next day i would get full...
live is a good thing...I wish you too^^

搬家心情三：重物迁移

呵呵，今天又是充实的一天，不过昨天又是通宵……因为愚蠢的姐姐死都看不过眼白色的天花板跟米色的墙，然后坚决的买了一桶85块白色的漆（$$$$$$），势必要把客厅油成白色，还好只是客厅……因为几乎全家都是米色的墙，真的要换完的话，将会是个大工程。所以我昨晚又是在油漆，悲哀的是…油出来的效果真的是不理想。由于客厅都装了黄灯，所以显得很不自然，不够之前的warm，整间家的feel都被毁了……于是今天跟装修佬谈一谈，又叫他们把客厅油回米色 = ='' 浪费了我一晚的青春，到现在我整只右手还很累……应该是油漆用了太多力。然后昨天回到家后又要收拾，经过一翻折腾又天亮了，睡了一下，货车便来了。我才刚睡醒，他们已经在开始把东西搬下楼了…………就这样今天的进展是搬重物去新家。

现在我的房间就好比乱葬岗，又肮脏又乱。刚刚我冲凉出来，一踩进我的房间，再看看脚板，哈哈，是黑的！然后我赶快冲进厕所洗一下脚便快速的跳了上床，哈哈……因为书桌都被搬走了，电脑只好被搬下来放在地上，所以现在我只可以倚在床上上网。明天哥哥回来我们就死定了，现在家里都竟是些灰尘和空橱、不然就是一袋袋的垃圾和很多肮脏的抹布……大家都累了，没人去打扫，明天他回来我的耳朵又要受罪了……

至于新家那边……还没打扫，连椅子都还没买，整间家只有两个位的沙发，姐姐竟然还说等完全搬完后（wed）要煮一餐来吃，那么我们坐哪里呢？？还有，我把我的书都搬了过去，最糟糕的是我发觉我还没买书橱，怎么办？？？整间房就只有一张四个脚的书桌可以放东西，那么我心爱的书要放哪里？？？……因为我觉得一间房可以什么家具都没有，我可以睡地上，我可以没有梳妆台，唯独是不能没有书橱，不然我会非常不习惯，因为东西都不懂要放那里才可以 = ='' 希望明天哥哥带我去买书橱，不然就会看到我的房间有很多一箱一箱的boxes。可是……我觉得明天应该买不成，因为我们的房间都还没油漆 = ='' ……真糟糕，什么都还没做，什么都还没买齐……

搬家心情二：Nippon

现在是八点十七分，对，是早晨八点。哈，认识我的都知道这绝不可能是我的清晨，以我的风格，这应该是个临睡前的post，hehe^^ 好不容易改掉了迟睡的坏习惯，不到两天/就是一天，被打破了，好残忍啊~~ 由于现在头发还很湿，所以没得睡觉 ><'

话说昨天开开心心的吃了KFC，就很有mood的、很有罪恶感的跑去买翻版书！！！是翻版书！！！一直尊重作者的我，竟然很有mood的去买翻版书，这绝对不是我的风格……杜绝盗版！！！可能是人类的天赋在作怪吧，“贪小便宜”。随手就看中了两本书，因为买3送1，所以就狂逼姐姐选两本的，最后两个在那边隐隐罪恶，然后被姐姐说服了“喜欢就要买正版的原则”，哈哈，结果只买了一本……还要买贵了的那种！RM25！！骗钱啊~~ 买一本RM25的翻版书……请报警抓他们！！！

之后我们兴高采烈的去新家，油漆（这个时候才八点= ="，是晚上）。两个不会油漆的笨蛋去油漆，加上那个还没构思好油那里的苯姐一直叫我去抹地。之后他朋友到访顺便带纸箱给我们，这个时候我只可以去抹地……因为她这么笨，根本不可能同时思考和招待他们，为了不浪费我的时间，我唯有去抹地，从开始只要抹我的房间演变成抹完所有的房间= =' 天啊~ 根本就还没装完该装的，况且还没油漆，抹什么抹啊……过后油了老半天才油了一小面，途中又去kota接了她的肥难友（哈哈，他不会看到的）。他来后我们合力的完成了，不过我说了是我们完成了，不包括那个笨姐姐，因为她负责油边，我们有中间，他真的有满，也没有又到很美 = ='' 就这样当我说要去那个开到四点的鸡饭店吃的时候，他们告诉我已经五点了，天啊~~ 时间在作弄人，我的鸡饭店关了……就这样油下油下，我现在这个时候才坐在这里……好饿啊~~

其实我们也只油了一面墙……对，是一面，是一面有四个门的墙，用了数小时……不过也好，正好给我做练习，呵呵，practice一下，酱子我油我的房间时才不会油得乱七八糟的，哈哈，私心很重……其实油漆也没什么难的，刚刚油的时候我们都很担心，因为干的程度不同，所以会出现一da一da的现象，所以狂油同一片墙，结果发觉干了就会很自然的均匀了，所以也不用怕油到一da一da的，最难应该是油边吧，超费时的。可能漆也有关系，我们用的是nippon，很好噢，不小心油出边了，赶快拿湿布抹一抹就干净了，也不怕弄到衣服什么的^^ 更加不必拿tina水来洗手，也没有那些难闻的漆味，呵呵，很神奇，所以用到很开心……

其实到新家时发生了一件事，前提是这样的……那个笨姐姐在去KFC之前有去看医生拿mc，因为她没去做工，然后就随手的把药放在车上。到了新家后我们要下车了，她第一句就说：“上去了要先吃药”，就伸手要去拿那包药了，然后我问她：“uh?! 你真的有病的啊？？”（因为她只是为了拿mc而已），接着………………她说：“哈”（发觉自己搞错了），“是ho，我真的有病，神经病”然后自己坐在那边傻笑，哈！我的天啊……她的病情已经越来越不能受控制了……
神经病…………

搬家心情一：Before new...

很累啊~~~~
虽说我搬家的经验不少……从我在KL开始就搬了四次，现在是第五次，不包括我在JB时就办了至少两次……可是对于搬家这件事是不是多就什么熟能生巧的，发而我发觉到年龄的增加对于东西的取舍更加困难，还有越大东西就越多，而且是越重要，搞到那些时间都用在思考 - 到底要不要丢？怎样收才整齐？杂物用什么装？？搬后放那里？没地方放，怎么办？？……哇！也太多问题了吧！！搞到我收了一整天才解决了信的问题。实在是太多了，丢又不是，收又不是，结果我丢了它们的衣服，留下它们的内在，单单把所有的信拆开来，就费时了，过后还要分门别类，现在有小后悔以前干嘛要写信，哈哈，算了……其实我有把时间用在回想那些人是谁，所以搞到酱久……不好意思……

然后就是ikea和新家，这几个礼拜就逛了无数次，真的是……累！！所以没什么必要就不要去ikea！！一两次还好，太多次还是要买的的那种，真的是累！所以自己应该知道自己要买什么先，有target了，在家里看完catalog了，才去，不然就是你的11号巴士会气死……

所以我现在的心情是身心疲累…… 现在，看到我书桌旁的纸，是一大叠的纸，一大叠！！还有一大叠躲在我书桌的抽屉里……看到就累，因为我还没想到要怎样处置它们……处置后又要把它们放在那里（新房）？用什么装？

糟糕！！！我现在真的是万分的………………饿！！！！！

When I see the wolf, I will tell it, I don't scare....

I really hate war, war is such a game that political play. It's just a implement to show how politician is powerful, and even their aggressive.....war is so so so so unforgivably, regardless of any reason behind it, and no matter win or lose it is just a meaningless act. Because of war, a thousand billion of people's life have ruined and died....just because of this such nonsense war! ! Peace please~~

Well, the Escape from Huang Shi is really impressive....from the begining that the English journalist George Hogg (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) is being beheaded then Chen (Chow Yun Fat) rescued him, and lead him to an orphanage house. Until the whole way that they escaping with 60 orpanage (but i don't think there have 60 children, must be more than this number since there is 4 full truck of children) through The Silk Road to a new safety place....He is really a great person, his full given is greatness......so, I ranked it 4 star^^ it's definitely worthy for your rm7, hahaha...

^*^*^*^*^Movie Trailer...



Inspired by real people and real event...

During The Rape of Nanking南京大屠杀....there is a great person...

For you, a thousand times over

刚刚看了movie的Kite Runner，风靡全球的《追风筝的人》。
很多人都告诉我很好看，从它发行的时候就轰动全球了，只是我一直都很排坼，是那种没理由的排坼，很无聊吧？！不过这就是我，啊哈哈……直到最近，听闻它发行了电影版，不知道为什么又有想看的感觉了，啊哈哈，好无聊的人……现在看完了真的有小感动，相信看书会有更大的波动，因为书的效应永远会比电影来得震叹，就好像Da Vinci Code，电影简直就是一文不值、浪费时间。

"For you, a thousand times over"

算了，说回KiteRunner……
那一句“for you, a thousand times over”，Hassan为Amir追风筝时说的。感动！！可是却因为这样……途中，我可怜的Hassan被凌辱了，前提是Amir为什么不救他？？？？他明明就看到！！！so hurt…… 还有我好喜欢Amir的爸爸，因为他说了，“when you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth”，I like it！！！莫名的喜欢……过后，在Amir和他爸爸逃离Kabul的时候，他爸爸解救了一个妇人，可是却显示了Amir的懦弱，让我觉得不堪。 哈哈，不怎么喜欢主角(Amir)，发而Hassan给人的印象很好……总之整部戏的感觉很好，我给它4 out of 5 star，四颗星已经很不错了哦！！结论就是要看！！


^*^*^*^*^Book Review...

The Kite Runner
by Khaled Hosseine

Winter, 1975: Afghanistan - a country ruled over by a fading monarchy on the verge of an internal coup. But in Kabul, twelve-year-old Amir has his own concerns. He is desperate to win the annual kite-fighting tournament to prove to his father that he has the makings of a man. Amir's friend Hassan is a low-caste Muslim and the son of a crippled servant but nevertheless the two boys play together and defend each other against the neighbourhood's bullies. However, during the tournament, Amir takes advantage of Hassan's guileless devotion and commits a terrible act of betrayal which is to shatter their lives and define their future. Unfolding against Afghanistan's destructive history, THE KITE RUNNER is the breathtaking story of fathers and sons, friendship and redemption, and most horrifyingly, the casualties of fate.


^*^*^*^*^Movie Trailer...

confront it

friend,


we all know we can't predict what coming next

we even don't know who would done anything to hurt ourselves

so when thing happened

when we feel hurt enough

we have to learn to confront it

the only confronted would make us release and tougher.....

so don't get this stuff to agonized yourself anymore

when it passed

just let it go

don't think so much....

everything will have a new start

everything will be fine

it just need some time....

don't waste your precious time to think those unworthy conduct

our life is too short

when you're thinking on it

you're indirectly use your precious time on them

it's not worthy!

don't living under the shaded

life is still have so many thing to do

you're no such time to use on them

get a new start, get new friends, get the another new way

trust me, you would find another true one


Be happy always....don't let it be a part of your life...

god bless me...& you...

FINISH!!

Does God would bless me??
hope so.......

___________________________________

dear God,

is 21 May 2008.........
not 25 April 2008.......
don't messy it....



Sincerely,
Shian

P.S. my Id is B0700528

___________________________________

is going on...

I know, I know, my tone is not really good,
but I did not know you found that.

SORRY.

I just need more time to release...
my thought,
tired,
and
stress.....

just leave me some time.....
I can handle everything by myself....

seriously breathless......
I'm gotta sleep......

"Don't think so much" advice to myself....

--speechless--

I felt speechless since last weekend....twice terrible sat...doesn't look foolish? I'm don't know. Maybe.

I'm willing to help them when they are feeling help-less, but I'm can't accept that the dissapointed they gave me.....I just expect they would done their stuff. that's it...is it so hard? all of the stuff is not mine, is for you...''for you''....why it seems I'm more caring than them? and I even did not get any benefit for that.

Where is the responsible should be? is me or them. Or else, there is something that they do not desired anymore?? then why don't they quit it, if they feel this stupid enough for them..or any other reason.

I just felt frustrated, because I have ever know what they are thinking, although we are living in the same generation Y....or we can explained as people have their own feeling and different education. But it doesn't really convince me. ok!? when other people feel so too. Then, that is still can be explained by this SUCK excuse?! AND there is obviously something wrong!! I have no idea to thinking a beautiful lies anymore, to vanish over them to myself...Ya, I still can't accept what they have done! not, is what they have thought.

'threaten', are you kidding me??
I can't believe when I was first heard...what I can threaten to you? by my emotion? or what?? I did not give you any academic mark, I did not give you any penny. so!! what I can threaten to you. RIDICULOUS!!

....speechless.....

[think]
I have been here since 2001.........same as the time that I met Val & Yunn......it is long time ago...then what make me feel like still remain at this position....to get all of this ridiculous thought that I can't accept - NO answer, never have the answer...so what I still can do?!
[/think]

感动！！

erm...日剧求婚大作战最近出了sp版，是最近吧？！就不久啦……
最近看了，很感动，所以想share一下其中的片段……



youtube有完整的，
找“求婚大作战sp”就会有了^^

我个人最喜欢这一幕………万分感动~~
http://youtube.com/watch?v=eC2um9xM6VI&feature=related

《三月里的幸福饼》

以前很莫名的喜欢张小娴，所以常常会把她的文字写在日记里，记得有一篇是这样的……

“为什么我们总是不懂得珍惜眼前人？在未可预知的重逢里，我们以为总会重逢，总会有缘在会，总以为有机会说一声对不起，却从来没想过每一次挥手道别，都可能是诀别，每一声叹息，都可能是人间最后的一声叹息”

把每一天都当成是最后一天，这个道理听起来很简单，事实上确…………

nothing

erm....need to explain?
ok, say something.....
I was deleted the last post.

why?

erm....
if you know me longer,
you will found that sometimes i would pursue perfect,
but of course it's depends la.
not everything, but in something...

since it doesn't really express my feeling,
and feel some 碍眼 after i posted.
then, I deleted.

wait wait wait
don't misunderstand.
not because of my friends comment....
i just felt that before they post.
anyway,
i appreciate their comment, is true.

continue,
well, just the post doesn't really make sense.
so it seems 碍眼, then i deleted.

that's it. ^^

学不会

其实有时候我会很懊恼……我真的不懂得什么relationship，
有些东西，看到的未必是真的，看不到的又有点真实。
我甚至会怀疑什么才是最真实的，什么才是可以信任的，
所以有时候我情愿只相信自己……
虽然sound like很自我，可是这也许是社会的一part，
只相信自己……

有些时候我会相信……
当大家都长大了，各自拥有自己的生活时，
什么兄弟姐妹的都不再是一回事……
虽然这个想法很消极，不过我确实相信终究会发生……
只是问题在于"多少而已"……

人与人之间的关系确实复杂……

这个学问我怎么学也学不会……

最美丽的往往都最容易忽视……

上帝創造天地萬物，做了七天的時間，
它將最美麗的事物，都放在世人的面前，
所以人生在世，無論你經歷過什麼,
只要你懂得珍惜，一切都可以是最美好的....

不想

啊~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

世界上真的有太多烦人的事了，从芝麻绿豆到大件的，一箩箩……

少了一件，却多了两件；就像marketing酱，读也读不完。

接下来等着的又不知道是什么，尽是些扰人的就对了，

总之就是 烦！烦！烦！

所有的我都不想理……只想做自己该做的，做自己想做的……

可是日子还是一样的过，没有什么想或不想的…………

这就是世界的法则？！the nature of us？！

no idea

我要去读我读不完的macro了…………

i am i

没什么好说的
身边的人不了解
自己更加不想辩解
应该说最重要是自己怎么看待自己
这就是我